The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

It's shining. I can see it. In fact, it is SO FREAKIN' CLOSE.

138.

My original goal was 135.

Three more pounds and I'll have lost 50 pounds since January. That's the size of two Alex's. Or a decent sized kid. Fifty pounds. Holy crap.

Looking back at pictures of myself pre-weight loss I realize that I had really, really, really, let myself go. I knew I had, but I actually think I must have been in some denial. I didn't think I looked like I weighed over 180 pounds. I didn't think I looked...fat. But man, I was wrong.

Here are some pictures of me from Saturday early evening, hanging out at the park with Alex.

I almost look like...a normal person. Like a person who isn't horribly over weight.

I may still have a belly and some love handles, but that's okay. Because I'm at a healthy weight now, and things can only get better from here.

Um. Hi.

Apparently this blog was not as important as I had hoped it would be. I thought that by having a place where I could post my successes (and failures), I would be more motivated.

But I wasn't.

I have trouble coming up with things to talk about on my regular blog so then having to turn around and write about weight loss just seems so...dull.

BUT.

I am down to 143-145. I have been here for a while now, maybe, possibly, very slowly going down. I really need to up the exercise to start seeing changes again.

I feel pretty good. I'm more than comfortable in my size 10's, in fact I really wish they were smaller. I think that when I eventually buy another round of pants they'll be 8's and that is where I will stay most likely. I wore 8's throughout high school, so I think that is a very healthy size for me, regardless of my weight.

I'd still like to see some changes: I still have this pooch at my mid-level, and I really need to tone up some. So, now the problem is finding the time to exercise. It's become nearly impossible with my current schedule to fit in any sort of exercise, so I need to either suck it up and wake up BEFORE Alex in the morning, or suck it up and do it AFTER he goes to bed at night. Oy.

I'm still eating low fat, weight watchers-type, stuff. I can't eat fat because of my dysfunctioning gallbladder, so that has at least kept me from gaining weight. I literally can't splurge without being in immense pain for about 8 hours, so I just don't splurge. My "splurge" lately has been No Pudge Fudge Brownies with some fat free chocolate swirl ice cream. It's pretty damn bad for me, but hey! It's fat free! And way lower in calories than a regular brownie and ice cream would be.

So, I'll get there. I can see it. I wasn't able to say that for a long time, but I can say that now. I will, one day, feel good about my overall body again. I'm sure I'll always hate my stomach, and I'll never wear a bikini again; I've always hated my arms, so that probably won't change. But one day I'll be comfortable. It's coming.

How Time Flies

Man, has it really been almost two weeks since I last posted?

How time flies when you are insanely-busy-slacking-on-working-out-not-eating-very-well.

Long walks have been about all I've managed to find time for lately. Alex has not been napping well, which means my usual routine of putting in a DVD or something on Comast (love me some Comcast yoga!) has been extremely difficult to come by. And there is absolutely no way that I can exercise with him running around. He's very insistent that I pay attention to him, and only him. All. The. Time.

Today I went back to my roots: I did level 1 of the Shred. I huffed and I puffed and at the end? I felt great.

If I can manage to squeeze more time into my day in order to fit in some Shredding again I think I can increase my weekly weight loss. This stall is getting to me, and seeing that flat line over the last few weeks on my weight loss graph is, well, not motivating.

I've decided to make breakfast a more important meal, and gone back to being immensely diligent about tracking what I put in my mouth. No more picking at Alex's food, no more "just one drink" a few times a week, and certainly no more giant splurges (Hello, Wendy's! when I totally screwed up our dinner the other night).

My mini goal is to be down to 151 by next Friday. That's a week and a half to lose about two pounds. With summer right around the corner? It's time to up the game. While I have absolutely no intention of putting on a bathing suit this summer, I would like to feel comfortable wearing a skirt and a sleeveless top.

Slacker = Success?

So, even though I was a complete and total slacker with the 30 day shred, I still lost weight during March.

My beginning goals were ambitious. Apparently too ambitious. So I really, really, failed at following through on the exercise front. I still followed Weight Watchers, and went on a good number of walks.

I weigh in tomorrow and am not looking forward to it. This past week has been...odd.

Every morning I wake up starving. Then, by ten I'm starving again! This continues all day, and I have been eating far too much and feeling far too down on myself to make sure that every time I grab a snack it's a healthy option.

All the same, there have been changes. Good changes.

In early January, I purchased a nice pair of jeans. I had been wearing this crappy, ugly, cheap, "fat" jeans. The waists were insanely high and my "mommy"-ness was apparent because of them. So, I decided that even though I was going on weight watchers I would buy a nice pair of jeans to get me through until I could fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans.

Size 14. I wanted to cry.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I did cry when I realized I wore a size 14.

But I am now fitting back into my size 10 (they are all labeled "30," which is the equivalent of a size 10). They are snug, and there is a bit of muffin top, but they fit. I don't even have to squeeze into them.

So, remember these photos?:

I am happy to share my new photos with you. They are not the same. I did not put on the same pants, and there isn't the same lighting. I am wearing my nice size 14 jeans.

Please, please, excuse the towel on my head. Also? Please excuse the horrendous stretch marks. Having a toddler at birth will do that to you.

Here is what I am most excited about:

About 25 pounds more to go, or until my size 10 are back to fitting me loosely and I feel comfortable and confident in my body.

And now? Back to Jillian. Back to long walks. Back to being serious about this.

A Milestone I Never Thought About

As of Friday, April 3, I was down to 153.4, which is a slow but steady loss.

Last week I hit a milestone I had never thought of. My first goal was to get under 180. Then 170. Then 160. Now it's 150, with my eventual goal of 130, or feeling comfortable with myself again. But then I hit another goal. One I hadn't really thought about.

I am wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans.

I know! Big milestone.

Now, I would be lying if I didn't say it was a really, really, happy day for me. But I would also be lying if I said it made me feel good about myself.

Sure. They fit. I pull them up over my thighs and my butt, zipper and button them. They fit. Just like they should. But there is a big difference between how I look in them now compared to pre-pregnancy. BIG difference.

I never had this saggy belly before. The love handles. The ginormous muffin top.

So, it feels great to have these pants that fit.

Oh, and Jillian? I'm sorry I'm such a slacker. Seriously, if you knew me in person you would do some serious yelling. You'd probably make me cry. I only ended up working out with you about 15 of the 30 days. But. I'll be back. I like you.

How Did That Happen?

On Friday, I was down to 155.6.

How did that happen?

Not that I'm complaining. I'm thrilled. After my horrendous stomach problem, lack of exercise, and not being as strict about my points as I need to be, I still managed to lose over a pound.

Unfortunately, that long hiatus I have taken? Yeah. I'm back at Level 1 for Shredding It. But that's okay. Because it feels good, and I'm still getting a great workout from it.

I think I'll switch to level 2 in a few days, and see how it feels.

Who knew that taking a break could, ::gasp::, be okay?

Excuses Excuses

Well, I've been a huge slacker.

I haven't exercised in a very long time. Days. Many days.

First, I was a single parent for a long weekend and those few moments of peace that exist during nap time were needed to relax, not work out.

Then, I was in pain. Serious pain.

I went to the Emergency Room yesterday morning because the pain in my stomach was so intense that I thought I was dying. Is my appendix ruptured? Do I have gallstones? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?

After many, many, hours waiting around, I was given my diagnosis: Gastritis.

Typically, people who have gastritis are heavy drinkers, smokers, regular anti-inflammatory medicine takers, and poor eaters. I am none of those things. Especially recently.

So, my stomach still hurts. I am taking prescription strength pepcid and have been told to follow a "bland" diet for two weeks.

Needless to say, Shredding probably won't happen for a few more days. The thought of clenching my abdominal muscles is enough to make me want to throw up, so I have a feeling that actually doing so would not be a good idea.